"Is he trying to use me?"

QUESTION:

One of my guy friends...who knew I had actual romantic feelings for him, started asking me to have sex with him. I told him no that I didn't want a friends with benefits situation. He knows I'm a virgin by the way. Do you think he's just trying to use me?

He kept trying anyways...until I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Then he kind of cleaned up his act, but then asked to come watch a movie with me or if he could come hold me...late at night. Nothing really happened. He'd tell me that he loved me and appreciated me, but who knows if he meant them.

After about two years, one night we did end up making out and having foreplay but I didn't let it go any further. We talked about relationships before this and he said the he did want one with me. After that incident, he mentioned something about me being a really good friend. I asked him what that meant. He said he wanted a relationship with me, but he just wasn't ready yet. He was under too much pressure and stress from (work, and his ex who he has a kid with).

I was really upset about it because I felt like he took advantage of our friendship. I pretty much withdrew from him and stopped all communication. We didn't talk for about a year.

When we did start talking again, we kind of got into it because he said he didn't remember saying he wanted a relationship with me. So I asked him if he was just trying to use me. He asked why I felt used. When I told him, he just said sorry and told me I didn't have to worry about him anymore because he didn't want me to feel used.

I don't know what to think. Was I wrong? Did I overreact? How should I react? What should I do... try to talk to him or let it go?

ANSWER:

It doesn't sound like you guys do anything normal and by normal, I mean hanging out with friends (especially his friends). Why his friends? Because if you are brought into his world, then you are not considered a booty call (as sexless as this relationship is).

A guy like this will keep people around because he's confident he will eventually get to have sex with you. And as you said, it took him 2 years to wear down your resolve to the point you would actually go for it.

Notice he also had the "perfect conversation"... you know, the one about relationships and how ready he was to commit to you. The moment you relented and started fooling around was the point where he knew he had won. He would have bailed whether you had slept with him or not.

The lesson here is that guys who act sleazy from the beginning are not putting on an act for you. They are SLEAZY! Plain and simple. Sure, you might have some fun together and he might be a pretty good friend (if you forget about all the sleaze), but this type of guy has one purpose for you. I'm sure you know which one...

No guy has ever had too much stress to get into a relationship with a girl he really wants.

That was important, so I will repeat it. In the history of the world, there has never been a guy who wouldn't step over his own mother to get into a relationship with a girl that he reeeealy wants. He could have 50 jobs and a hundred baby mamas. If he had true intentions for you, he would do whatever it takes to start an actual relationship with you.

Pay attention to what a man does, not what he says. He convinced you to let your guard down and look where he took you... now he makes it feel like it's your fault.

Stop trying to convince yourself and stick with your very first impressions of this guy.

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