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"How to Challenge a Man"




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Question:

I purchased your book and have found the information very useful. I have met a great guy and hints are going well so far. I do have a question... Can you be more specific when you say to challenge a man? Can you give me some examples on how to challenge a man? You emphasized that this is important, but I'm just not sure how to do this. Thank you for your time, Charlene W

ANSWER:

A great first step is to embody the phrase, "I could but I won't." Most people in relationships will do whatever the other asks of them without question. It's usually something they wouldn't mind doing anyway, but when you stack up a ton of these little requests over time, it all plays into the very basic need men have for women: A replacement of their mothers.

Any time you "yes dear" for your man, you are that much closer to becoming his mother. When you take the "what's in it for me?" attitude, you remain his equal and that is sexy! Obviously, there will be things that will benefit both of you when he asks something of you. It is still your job to make it a playful exchange: "I suppose I could make dinner tonight, but I'll be expecting a candlelit bubble bath afterwords.

So many women complain that they never get any real attention from their man. He never just gives out those back rubs or back seat makeout sessions any more. Guys are very simple and if they are like dogs in any way, it would be their desire to please. A dog will not fetch or roll over for you unless you tell them to (unless that is their specialty). So tell him what to do. Any desire or request has an exchange rate.

  • "You want me to meet you out with your friends? Please have a dry martini with three olives waiting for me when I get there... and it better be ice cold!"
  • "You want me to clean up your house? I would love to go to this upcoming concert."
  • "You want me to [whatever...?] I'd like a hot-oil foot massage on Sunday night."

To some this may sound bitchy, but the women who follow this rule have nothing to complain about their men (except for the teasing she gets when that upcoming concert turns out to be Celine Dion). When you turn his desires into a game, it becomes a win-win-win situation. You give him what he wants. He gives you something that you will both probably enjoy. Best of all, he still gets to see you as his equal and not his mother. Grown men can fend for themselves and you should never deprive him of the pride of accomplishment. It's much more important to a man than you might think.

Challenges don't all have to be what you'd like also. What if, as his biggest cheerleader, you inspire him to excel at work: "Honey, I bet you can knock out that report you keep complaining about in two days. If you can, we'll celebrate by going to your favorite steakhouse." This type of challenging has to be done with a cutesy touch otherwise it will only fall into nagging territory. "Have you asked your boss for a raise yet?" should be replaced with something like, "I had a dream about frolicking naked in a hot tub with you last night. Oooh! Wouldn't that be a great way to celebrate your raise?"

The first one is you being a nag. The second one is an inspiration to do something he might be dreading.

WARNING: I can't stress enough how sex should never enter into your challenges. It emasculates your man and it turns sexual favors into chores with and exchange rate. There is no doubt that you can get the kitchen painted by blow jobs alone, but once you go down this path, you kill the sexy spontaneity of your sex life and pretty soon, you'll find yourself forced into "lawnmowing sex" or "cleaning the garage sex."

When you challenge a man, it's about keeping things playful and a little tense so he never truly knows how you will react to anything. He can never feel like you will bend over backwards for him. Once he has that power, he will stop fighting to earn your love.

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